Posted on by Californiacontrarian

Emergency! Emergency!

I was not aware of this problem until I read about it in the Wall Street Journal today., but it is a real problem . . . a real and a worldwide problem.
No, this has nothing to do with social isolation and the Wuhan virus. No, this has nothing to do with masks, gloves, or ultraviolet light. This is a problem that can potentially have significant, and perhaps long lasting effects on a lot of us. The good news with this issue is that we can help. All of us, irrespective of our political leanings can potentially do our part . . . all of us that is except teetotalers and children.

Are you ready? Sit down for this!

There is worldwide emergency concerning keg beer. Right now there is about 10 million gallons of beer going to waste – this beer is stuck in stadiums, concert halls, and restaurants. The cancellation of March Madness, and St. Patrick’s Day had a devastating effect on keg beer – roughly a million kegs of beer were abandoned in March alone. Keep in mind that this is a worldwide, and not just a U.S. problem. European soccer – cancelled! Olympics – cancelled. The opening of the Major League Baseball season – postponed.
Heavens to Murgetroid! – the beer industry may never recover as keg beer goes stale! Unless . . . unless, we the beer drinkers of America come to the rescue of the draft beer industry. The brewers need the kegs returned empty, so that they can then be gotten ready for that time when the spigots will again be open. For a variety of environmental concerns, this unseeded keg beer cannot just be poured down the drain or dumped into rivers . . . and this is where we come in . . . this unused beer must be drunk!

In the guise of rescuing the beer industry, helping small businesses, and at the same time getting exercise, may I suggest that we immediately begin dispensing draft beer at better than happy hour prices to walk up customers throughout the city. This would prevent many, many kegs of beer from going stale, and at the same time provide a lifeline to those businesses that are barely hanging on by a thread. I would chip-in and do my best. I would view it as my contribution to restarting the economy.

The individual repeated movement of the arm and shoulder would certainly count as exercise. The walking from home to the individual pubs would also count as exercise – certainly we could not condone drinking an almost unlimited amount of draft beer and then driving. For those who do not live within walking distance of a neighborhood pub, do not drive – better yet have a designated driver who would get an unlimited amount of soft drinks as long as his/her hand was stamped. This , of course, would be done with the proper social distancing, as tables and chairs could easily be set up in parking lots. 

I immediately propose that all adults help with this effort, and keep alive the chant . . . “There is nothing to fear, just drink beer!”

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